Edmonton Slutwalk or Oh Woe is me?
[flickr id=”5800500372″ thumbnail=”thumbnail” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”] Why did I go the Edmonton Slutwalk? Simple, I wanted to see some sluts. I wanted hear what they had to say. Most importantly I went to laugh. What I didn’t realize is many of the women there would be survivors of sex assaults.
Does this change my anti-slutwalk position? Not at all. Do I now, or have I ever blamed rape victims for being raped? Never. Those who do, or say things they don’t mean that make them sound like they do are insensitive buttholes. I still find myself offended by the premise of the slutwalk.
One insensitive or, more likely, stupid policeman in a land far far away, at the centre of the proverbial universe, yes in Toronto, stupidly put his boot in his mouth. He told women that dressing like sluts may be an invitation to sexual assault. Did he mean it? I doubt it. Is it a reason for the feminist yahoos to jump on their soapbox and stand on the steps of the legislature and lecture ALL men about the actions of a VERY small minority of men? NO!
I was embarrassed by many of the statements made at the Edmonton Slut Walk. Then I thought to myself, why should I be embarrassed? They aren’t talking about me. That is exactly the point I have been trying to make on Twitter and in personal conversations with people this week. The vast majority of men, in the presence of a provocatively dressed women would look, maybe look twice, and some might just make a comment like, “Nice Ass.” There is nothing wrong with that. If you don’t want to draw attention, don’t dress to draw attention. On the other side of the coin, unless a man is wired completely wrong, a very very low number of men may take things too far. The majority of us aren’t that man.
Being lumped in with rapists pisses me off. To insinuate I would ever blame the victim also pisses me off. Some of the lines drawn to rape today were ludicrous. Men who make kitchen jokes are single. Ummmm. How about women making jokes about men? Are those women, by definition, rapists? Do they believe that making jokes about men makes them part of their made-up rape culture?
The answer to our rape problem doesn’t rest with the majority of men who would never rape a woman. The problem is the ones who would who, due to poor wiring or lousy social skills would rape. How do we fix this?
We start at HOME. We teach our sons and daughter, yes our daughters, to respect the opposite sex. We teach them that no means no. We also teach them not put themselves in a position where things could get out of hand. Here we go. Blaming the victim again….
One of the speakers at the slutwalk stated that “going to your room was not consent to rape me.” What I would teach my children is, going to someone’s room can get things to a point where anything can happen. Don’t go to a person’s room unless you are sure. Is this blaming the victim? No, this is teaching your children to be safe. If you don’t want men making comments about your body, don’t dress in a fashion that elicits this behavior. How hard is that? I have every right to cover myself in honey and walk into a bear’s den. I have the right, but is it really wise? This is not blaming the victim. This is teaching our children to be safe. Not everyone they meet is going to be a nice person. We need to teach them that a little fear is a good thing. Pilots know this. Soldiers know this. Why then shouldn’t you and I know this?
At the same time, we need to teach our sons to discuss the possibility of what might happen if they take their girlfriend to their bedroom, with her before they go there. If she seems even the slightest bit ill at ease don’t go.
No means no. I wish a number of my lady friends in the past had understood this. I have had to say no on more than one occasion. On many of these occasions I had to say no more than a few times. Horny people are horny people. I have never had the problem of not hearing no, or not taking no for an answer. Of course I have found it to be best practise to simply ask if going back to her place meant we were having sex, or are we just having a glass of wine and watching TV. I find it takes a lot of the stress out of the situation. Mind you, more and more I feel we should actually have a signed, witnessed and notarized agreement in place, and then a witness to ensure she didn’t change her mind three minutes after her orgasm is done.
The whole idea that someone can consent while drunk but change their mind later is ridiculous. How often, when I was younger, did drunk sex turn into “Oh my god, why did I sleep with her?” in the morning? Once or twice. I would wake up with a woman I would never, whilst sober, even consider sleeping with. Who raped whom if both gave drunken consent? How ridiculous would it look if I, a man, called the police and said, “If I weren’t drunk I would never have consented to sleep with amazon girl.”?
The only solution to this problem is, if you don’t have consent, signed and notarized before the beer comes out, wait until at least 6 p.m. the next day to ask for sex. Chances are amazon girl won’t look so good in the morning. The best part is she won’t be able to accuse you of taking advantage of her when she was drunk.
The whole point is we have to teach or sons and daughters respect for each other. Children who are taught No means No, who are taught to respect each other, and are taught to be responsible for their own safety are less likely to become victims or perpetrators. People complaining they felt like a slut after, when they were 10 years old, they messed around with a 10 year old, need to really think about how they are victimizing themselves. If that girl, or that boy for that matter, had been taught about appropriate behaviour perhaps those feelings wouldn’t have materialized.
So sluts… Instead of swearing and cursing on the steps of the legislature, why not go ahead and set the example of teaching your kids the proper ways to treat each other? Oh, by the way, keeping in mind that rape has nothing to do with how you dress, why degrade yourself by dressing that way in a public place, in front of other people’s children, when all you have to do is say your piece. Why is the foul language in a location where parents take their kids to learn about society necessary?
Wouldn’t it make more sense, when looking for sympathy from men, to not include all men in your tirades? NOT ALL MEN RAPE. In fact, I took more photos of properly dressed women today. I didn’t want to give the ones with no self respect a stage. The fact of the matter is, a twisted rapist isn’t going to care what you are wearing. So being in your jeans, or being in a skimpy slut skirt is not going to make a difference. Neither will it make a difference how you dress in front of me. Wear your slut gear. Wear your tasteful clothes. If I think you are attractive, either way, I am going to ask you out. I may even ask, eventually, to have sex with you. If you jump my bones or come on too strong, however, chances are I won’t want to have sex with you. Either way, we had better both be prepared to take NO for an answer.
All seriousness aside… To the girl with the sign stating “My ass is not an excuse for rape” Think about it. Your ass would probably turn a rapist off sex for life. To the chick in the pink bathing suit, wear a one piece or, better yet, stay dressed if you are trying to attract men. To Kasia, I liked your dress but it would be more appropriate at a kids’ birthday party. Where did you get your idea of slutwear? June Cleaver?
The bottom line is, if you come upon a rapist, all three of you would be equally targeted. Rapists, not MEN, don’t give a rat’s ass what you are wearing. If you are in the right place at the wrong time, it ain’t going to matter a whit. Rapists, not MEN, are only interested in degrading you, hurting you and getting their jollies from the power. Men want to worship you, respect you, love you, and give you as much enjoyment as you give them. Dressing like a slut would turn me off. I like my women more conservative, but neither has to worry about rape.
Then there was the statement made that no one dresses in the morning hoping to get raped. I wish I could introduce myself… In any other situation much of what I saw today would have garnered many a witty, sexist, misogynistic comment. I controlled myself and only made the odd remark to turn @livingsanctuary red.
By the way, thanks to the organizers for throwing the sudden walk through downtown into the mix. I had an opportunity to meet Global Television reporter Linda Nguyen. She was caught off guard and didn’t have a ride to city hall. Since I was going there I offered her a ride. I have seen her around many of the events I have attended, but she didn’t know me from Moses. She said, “I don’t know if I should get in the car with you.” I laughed, of course, and tried to be less creepy than I usually act. I told her my name and gave her some history. She felt better. But the whole episode got me thinking about how women, girls, boys, and some men put themselves in risky situations. If Linda were my daughter I would give her proper hell for getting in the car with a stranger. Of course I had no intentions beyond the story and helping a reporter get her story. We had a nice chat on the way and met up with her cameraman, Jason and afterwards I drove them both back to the Legislature to get their vehicle. No harm, no foul. They got their story and I got mine… I didn’t even feel awkward, as a Wildrose member, offering to help out a Global reporter.
I guess all will be quiet in my little conservative world, until next weekend. Gay Pride here I come. I promise for pride I will be WAY less politically correct. LoL
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